Today after an active day, my middle son Benjamin was restless, as children often are right before bedtime. He whiningly said “I want dessert”. “I want ice cream”. When I said “No” the whining became yelling, then it escalated into bumping into me with the chair he was sitting on.
Ok, this wasn’t going well.
He tried climbing on the fridge to open the freezer door, and I had to enlist Daddy to wrestle him off. He didn’t seem to want to listen.
Then, he ran and sat on the couch, and proceeded to yell at me “I want ice cream”, “I want ice cream”.
In the middle of this tantrum, I thought for a moment what to do, then walked over to him, sat down right next to him, touched his shoulder gently, and gazed deeply into his eyes, loving him, ready to really listen. I tousled his hair. After a few moments he calmed down, then said to me “I want ice cream”, looking like he was about to cry. I said gently, “What did I say the last time?” Then asked, before he could answer, “Is there anything else I can get you?” This time, seeing that I was really listening to him, still looking into his eyes, he said “yogurt”. And “apples with cinnamon”. He was calm now.
He went and had his snack, then happily went off for his bath. He was agreeable with me and when I suggested he not throw his clothes on the floor on the way to the bathroom, but please put them in the laundry area right away, he did.
This is a new approach for me, in that I might have known it works, but now have renewed confidence that it does. Mindful parenting, deep, soulful listening – children respond to it. Adults too : )
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